Stoicism for Everyday Life: Focus on What You Can Control
The Stoic idea of the “dichotomy of control” is almost 2,000 years old, yet it’s one of the most useful tools for modern stress. Here’s how to use it.
2 min read
Traffic jams, other people’s moods, the economy, the weather on your wedding day: so much of what worries us is outside our hands. The ancient Stoic philosophers had a simple but powerful answer to this, and it still works remarkably well today.
Who the Stoics were
Stoicism began in Athens around 300 BCE and later became popular in Rome. Its best-known voices are Epictetus, a former slave who became a teacher; Seneca, a writer and statesman; and Marcus Aurelius, a Roman emperor whose private notes survive as the book Meditations.
For the Stoics, philosophy wasn’t abstract theory. It was a practical training for living well, staying calm under pressure and acting with good character.
The dichotomy of control
Epictetus opens his short handbook, the Enchiridion, with a famous idea: some things are up to us and some things are not. Our judgements, intentions, choices and actions are up to us. Our body, reputation, possessions and other people’s behaviour are, ultimately, not.
His point is that a lot of unhappiness comes from mixing these up: pouring our energy and emotion into things we cannot control, while neglecting the things we can.
A modern example
Imagine you’re waiting for the result of a job interview. You can’t control the interviewers’ decision, the other candidates or the company’s budget. You can control how well you prepared, how you follow up, how you treat yourself while waiting and whether you keep applying elsewhere.
A Stoic approach is to put full effort into the second list, then hold the outcome lightly. Not because the result doesn’t matter, but because worrying about it changes nothing.
Try the two-column exercise
Next time you feel anxious or frustrated, take a piece of paper and draw two columns:
- Left column: “Not up to me”. Write down everything about the situation you can’t directly control.
- Right column: “Up to me”. Write down your choices, actions and attitude.
- Pick one small action from the right column and do it today.
- For the left column, practise acceptance: “This is not in my hands. I’ll respond as well as I can to whatever happens.”
What Stoicism is not
Being “stoic” in everyday English means hiding your feelings, but that isn’t what the philosophy teaches. The Stoics accepted that emotions arise. Their aim was to examine the judgements behind them, so that we respond with reason rather than being swept away.
Nor is Stoicism about giving up. Marcus Aurelius ran an empire. The dichotomy of control is about directing your effort wisely, not reducing it.
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